Leonardo Dicaprio (lionmanleo) wrote,
Leonardo Dicaprio
lionmanleo

Pathetico, I know. But it's tradition. You can't kill a tradition.

It's yet again Oscar time, and, thusly, it's yet again time for me to make my totally accurate and awesomely right predictions of the winners. So here are the nominees...

Performance by an actor in a leading role
Leonardo DiCaprio - BLOOD DIAMOND
Ryan Gosling - HALF NELSON
Peter O'Toole - VENUS
Will Smith - THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS
Forest Whitaker - THE LAST KING OF SCOTLAND

Okay, yeah, so yet again I'm going to look like a major bitch for saying I'm going to win the Oscar, but fucking think about it for a second before you jump on my ass about this. I've been nominated, like, three times now, and I still haven't won yet. By now the academy must be thinking "this guy Dicaprio is a pretty fucking raw talent, we should just give him the award and get it over with". I know everyone thinks it's dgoing to be Forest Whitaker or, like, Peter O'Toole or someone like that, but you know what? When it comes down to it, I'm the better man. And the better man always wins.

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Alan Arkin - LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Jackie Earle Haley - LITTLE CHILDREN
Djimon Hounsou - BLOOD DIAMOND
Eddie Murphy - DREAMGIRLS
Mark Wahlberg - THE DEPARTED

Okay, see, this is the thing, right? Marky and I, we go way back. I mean, my main man Djimon was pretty righteous in Blood Diamond, but you gotta know that Marky was even more powerful in The Departed. And you gotta know he's ripped, too. So if I said he wasn't gonna win, you gotta know he'd kick my ass. We're friends, but I mean, we're not good enough friends that we can't kick eachother's asses every once in a time, a'ight? A'ight.

Performance by an actress in a leading role
Penélope Cruz - VOLVER
Judi Dench - NOTES ON A SCANDAL
Helen Mirren - THE QUEEN
Meryl Streep - THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA
Kate Winslet - LITTLE CHILDREN

I know what y'all are thinking. Y'all are thinking "but Leo, what about Kate Winslet?" But you fucking know what? Kate is a bitch. And Meryl is my bitch. I mean, she's awesome. And I know what else you're thinking. Y'all are thinking that Helen Mirren is gonna win for The Queen, am I right? Well, tough shit. She's not gonna win. Anyone can impersonate the Queen of England. I could fucking play the Queen of England and, shit, maybe even got an Oscar nod for it, too. So you know what? Meryl all the way.

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Adriana Barraza - BABEL
Cate Blanchett - NOTES ON A SCANDAL
Abigail Breslin - LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Jennifer Hudson - DREAMGIRLS
Rinko Kikuchi - BABEL

Cate is a real talent. I know it probably seems like I'm just picking all of my friends, but you know what? No. Because in this category I'm actually going by talent... plus the only other nominee I've even fucking heard of is Jennifer Hudson and, sorry, but Christ in hell, I can't for the life of me understand why she's been nominated for a fucking OSCAR! Was it slim pickings this year?

Best animated feature film of the year
CARS
HAPPY FEET
MONSTER HOUSE

Fucking Monster House, man. All the fucking way. When that fucking Monster House stuck it's rug-tongue out and swallowed up the fucking kid, man? It gave me fucking shivers. It fucking made me almost cry real tears. Fucking Oscar worthy moment, right there, folks.

Achievement in art direction
DREAMGIRLS
THE GOOD SHEPHERD
PAN'S LABYRINTH
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST
THE PRESTIGE

Sorry, but I gotta go with the awesome Pirates of the Caribbean for this one. I saw the others, too, and they were alright. Wait, actually, The Good Shepherd was kind of boring art direction wise, Dream Girls gave me a headache with all the bright lights, Pan's Labyrinth gave me a headache from all the dark scenes (I had to squint to see what was fucking going on!), and the Prestige made my eyes bleed. I don't know why... Actually, I'm not entirely sure that was connected to watching the film. Huh. Maybe I should get that checked out...

Achievement in cinematography
THE BLACK DAHLIA
CHILDREN OF MEN
THE ILLUSIONIST
PAN'S LABYRINTH
THE PRESTIGE

Having already said that it gave me a headache to watch, I think that that's probably what the Academy is looking for cinematographically. If "cinematographically" is a word. The Prestige and The Illusionist were basically the same movie with different actors, although the Prestige was a bit more awesome for having David Bowie. Children of Men was boring as shit and Black Dahlia was fucking disappointing as all shit. Shit, shit, fuck, fuck. :P

Achievement in costume design
CURSE OF THE GOLDEN FLOWER
THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA
DREAMGIRLS
MARIE ANTOINETTE
THE QUEEN

It's fucking easy to make costumes for present-day set films like The Queen and The Devil Wears Prada, but the period shit must be fucking hard. And you know, I totally saw this film and was like "wow". So yeah. It's the winner in my mindies.

Achievement in directing
BABEL
THE DEPARTED
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
THE QUEEN
UNITED 93

I would say United 93, because if you don't like that movie you're not a true fucking patriot. But you know, Martin Scorsese fucking deserves this award. He's been neglected by the academy for too fucking long. Give the man his award already for Jesus sake!

Best documentary feature
DELIVER US FROM EVIL
AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH
IRAQ IN FRAGMENTS
JESUS CAMP
MY COUNTRY, MY COUNTRY 

Fucking too right the world's in trouble! Fucking right we're standing by and watching it go to shit! And too fucking right we're making it worse! Fucking yeah, Al Gore. You tell us how horrible we are. Make us see it and yeah, get an Oscar for it. My main man. Run for president again and clean up this stinkin' country!

Best documentary short subject
THE BLOOD OF YINGZHOU DISTRICT
RECYCLED LIFE
REHEARSING A DREAM
TWO HANDS 

Honestly? I haven't seen any of these. And honestly? I don't care. And even more honestly? I just picked this one for its name. I'm assuming it's about the enviornment, but I'm probably way off. Whatever. Whatever!

Achievement in film editing
BABEL
BLOOD DIAMOND
CHILDREN OF MEN
THE DEPARTED
UNITED 93

FUCKING DON'T DO THIS TO ME, BITCHES! Damn the Academy!!! Fucking shit... Both will win. There. It'll be the first tie ever on the Oscars. Big surprise! Everyone will be shocked!

Best foreign language film of the year
AFTER THE WEDDING
DAYS OF GLORY (INDIGÈNES)
THE LIVES OF OTHERS
PAN'S LABYRINTH
WATER 

Okay, I gotta say. That's it. I gotta say. No, I'm kidding. Okay, but seriously here. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!!!! No. This is gonna win because it's controversial. That's it. It's not an awesome film or anything. It'll win because no one actually expects it to win. Fuck yeah.

Achievement in makeup
APOCALYPTO
CLICK
PAN'S LABYRINTH

Fucking Mel Gibson, man. I don't give a shit what he has to say about Jews or women, this was a fucking awesome film. Shit yeah. I love the bit with the gratuitous violence. That was my favourite part. :)

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)
BABEL
THE GOOD GERMAN
NOTES ON A SCANDAL
PAN'S LABYRINTH
THE QUEEN

I don't know why this film wasn't nominated for a cinematography award or any of the visual shit. Oh well. The music was fucking the shit. There we go. There we are. And this is the presnettttt,,,....

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
"I Need to Wake Up" - AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH
"Listen" - DREAMGIRLS
"Love You I Do" - DREAMGIRLS
"Our Town" - CARS
"Patience" - DREAMGIRLS

You know what? I'm disappointed, too, but it's gonna be one of the stupid Dream Girls songs.  And to make life even shittier it's probably going to be fucking "Love You I Do". Fucking hell. Why does the category keep on sucking for the last couple of years? Let's just drop it if we're going to skim the bottom of the fucking barrel over and over again! What was that last fucking year? Fucking "It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp"??? What the fuck was that???

Best motion picture of the year
BABEL
THE DEPARTED
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
THE QUEEN 

The Departed. Fucking right. Fucking right on. BITCHESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shit yeah. SHIT YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Best animated short film
THE DANISH POET
LIFTED
THE LITTLE MATCHGIRL
MAESTRO
NO TIME FOR NUTS 

Fucking CUTE AS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah. That'll win alright. Yeah. I'm getting tired. Can you tell? That last category kind of wore me out a bit. :(

Best live action short film
BINTA AND THE GREAT IDEA (BINTA Y LA GRAN IDEA)
ÉRAMOS POCOS (ONE TOO MANY)
HELMER & SON
THE SAVIOUR
WEST BANK STORY 

Helmer and Son, all the way. All the way.com

Achievement in sound editing
APOCALYPTO
BLOOD DIAMOND
FLAGS OF OUR FATHERS
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST

Mmmmnnnnggg... Blood Diamond ... mmmnnnggghh... :(

Achievement in sound mixing
APOCALYPTO
BLOOD DIAMOND
DREAMGIRLS
FLAGS OF OUR FATHERS
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST

Need I repeat myself? Blood Diamond... mnnngff,...ss.s...

Achievement in visual effects
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST
POSEIDON
SUPERMAN RETURNS 

What's Poseidon?

Adapted screenplay
BORAT CULTURAL LEARNINGS OF AMERICA FOR MAKE BENEFIT GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN
CHILDREN OF MEN
THE DEPARTED
LITTLE CHILDREN
NOTES ON A SCANDAL

Okay, I'm sorry, but I think everyone realizes that Borat has to win at least one Oscar. And this is it. Yeah. Bitch yeah.

Original screenplay
BABEL
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
PAN'S LABYRINTH
THE QUEEN 

I picked that one out of my ass. And so will the Academy. :P 

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